Greetz and shouts out to Rybolov for fixing my spare PC (yet again) and finally allowing me to contribute…

I’m a contractor filling the role of CISO at a Government Agency.  (That’s another story for another time. )  I really try to keep things light, because security can be a pretty dull business, especially if it’s done right.

Lately, I’ve run into my share of prima donnas — like the one in charge of building our whiz-bang operations support system…  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very important project — so important that the network engineers I depend on to get things done (like design the security environment for the system) have been assimilated. Resistance was futile.  Heaven forbid one of his resources should be diverted from supporting this project to address their primary duties like helping to deal with, oh a network outage, or SECURITY INCIDENT!

Being resourceful (as all good CISOs should be) I found workarounds to all of the roadblocks this guy dropped into my path. Over time, this has really grated on me — the fact that I’m writing about this is all you need to know…

So I did what everyone should do — I vented to my boss! Together, we realized, that this guy (a subcontractor of ours) was on Everyone’s Shiznit List. We actually PAY this guy to do this to us!  Venting turned to commiserating to funny stories to hysterical childlike laughter.

In the midst of this, I uttered the phrase that will be framed in my CISO office, if, and when I leave Cubeville behind…

Vlad’s Rule #1

If you’re going to act like a prima donna in the CISO’s office, you WILL wear a tutu, so I can see you coming.

And when folks break into prima donna mode in a meeting or discussion, I will henceforth utter the following Key Phrase (in my favorite Redneck voice) when they cross the line:

“Lighten up Francis!  You didn’t bring your tutu widjadidja?”    Feel free to use this liberally. (All I ask is a mental footnote.)

Suddenly, things weren’t so bad.

Did I mention I like to keep things light?

• Everything I know about security, I learned from Ghostbusters…
• BSOFH: Memo for My Project Team
• Cage Match: OMB Report V/S GAO Report, Only One Comes Out Alive
• Some Thoughts on POA&M Abuse
• The 10 CAG-egorically Wrong Ways to Introduce Standards