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It’s All Friggin’ Magic, Mkay?
Posted June 17th, 2008 by rybolov
OK, whoever named this product should be shot: Ashampoo Magical Security.
However, as much as I love sprinkling on the Magic FISMA Fairy Dust, “Magical Security” is craziness.
I won’t go into too much detail on hackers, shampoo, washing, and South Pacific. I have a feeling I’ll get plenty of comments to that effect.
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Posted in Odds-n-Sods | 
7 Comments »
Tags: cashcows • moneymoneymoney • security
June 17th, 2008 at 11:13 am
What do you do if you don’t have any hair? Can I still get some magic in my security?
June 17th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Gee, your security smells terrific!
June 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
This now replaces “Forescout” and “clamAV” as the worst named security companies in existence
June 17th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Next up: Railing against automagic configuration
Maybe they decided that their security technology was sufficiently advanced as to be indistinguishable from magic?
Nah, the more likely scenario is they think it’s magical that people are paying $30 a pop for the product.
I love the copy on the product page:
“Experts estimate that it takes as little as 20 minutes before an unprotected computer is infected with an ‘internet contact’…” Can’t argue with that, I often infect my new computers with an ‘internet contact’, makes web surfing much the easier.
“The algorithm is so strong that it isn’t possible for anyone to crack the code in a justifiable time period …” Uhh… Justifiable? Right, don’t think you can justify even making the attempt so ROT13 ‘encryption’ would beat that justifiability benchmark.
“The security methodology isn’t only effective against the many confirmed hackers in the internet, but also against the spy who might be lurking in your own office and secretly copying files during the lunch break.” FUD, FUD, FUD, FUD, magical FUD!
June 17th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I think its more of “hiding the truth in plain sight”. Ashampoo, with proper spacing, becomes A sham poo. Or, perhaps with punctuation, it could become:
A sham, poo.
… perhaps referring to the client as fecal matter.
June 17th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Maybe it’s a maybe the use of “a” as a negative. Hence:
atypical:typical
as
ashampoo:shampoo
June 19th, 2008 at 9:01 am
“I’m gonna wash that hacker right outta my hair!”